Loachmancy

"You must embrace the power of Loach." -Simon Popovič (Yes, I put the accent.)

Loaches
Loaches are scaleless fish found commonly in Southeast Asia and Mytholand. they are of the order Cypriniformidae, yet true loaches (ones that aren't carp like,) are in the Botiidae family. Loaches are bottom feeders, and are omnivorous. They are rather docile in groups, but take precaution because Chinese Algae eaters are aggressive, and red tail sharks will fight to the death. They are usually about 5-7 inches long, yet the clown loach and dojo loach can easily surpass 1 foot. One must take extreme caution when approaching them, as their epicness is powerful enough to blind an average human being.

Loachmancy and it's counterparts
Now that we know the basic facts of loaches, we can move on to the art of Loachmancy. Loachmancy is a difficult art to perfect, and has taken magic masters and wizards years to complete. The research most certainly pays off. Loachmancy takes about 0.02536785689743578985311245 sparks per loach (closest to the hundredth quadrillionth digit) and is cast by pointing your finger at a loach and screaming random Latin words that seem to have come out of Greek Mythology and/or a Harry Potter and which have something to do with loaches. Your loach will be under your control, and stay unharmed. As you control your loach, it will seem rather similar to the controls of a U.S. nuclear submarine. If you have the power to bend the forces of water, it is suggested that one lets his loach levitate in water as you move it around with ease. (Just make sure the water is aerated, we don't want Mr.Loach to suffocate!)

The experts
Loachomancers are extremely rare, and it is predicted that only 1 in 1.563 billion people will be Loach mages. Yet of course, www.loaches.com has hundreds of loach experts and loach lovers. It is thought that the site owner is a Loach Mage. If you aren't already familiar with Simon Popovich ,check him out.

-Published by Simon Popovič.